If thinking about Suicide please read first

If thinking about Suicide please read first
 
If  you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It  will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your  bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional –  only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only  know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can  assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending  your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at  this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart.  But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I  have some small idea of what you might be feeling.  I know that you  might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this  short.  While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have  five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t  argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that  if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you  to stay with me for the rest of this page.  I hope it means that you’re  at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about  whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that,  even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is  okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means  you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to  die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live.  So let’s  hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.
 
Start by considering this statement:
 
Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.
That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak,  or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you  really want to die – it only means that you have more pain than  you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your  shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights… no  matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do  with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.
 
Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “That’s not enough to be  suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide.  Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person.  What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The  point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of  coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to  withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the  result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of  character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain  versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1)  find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your  coping resources. Both are possible.
 
Now I want to tell you five things to think about.
1 You need to hear that people do get through this — even  people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is  a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this  information gives you some sense of hope.

2 Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours  before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are  two different things – just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings  and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours.  You have already done  it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page.  You can do it for another 5  minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that  while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on  it.  That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings,  either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase  your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying  or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad  reactions are about their fears, not about you.
But there are people out there who can be with you in this  horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to  a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will  simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your  week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for  help. Try:

Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans

Call the  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255  (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)
(In Australia, call Lifeline Australia at telephone:  13 11 14
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999

Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line

Call a psychotherapist

Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal  with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are,  releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the  additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they  subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really  good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your  community and on the Internet.
 
copywrite 2011 Julie Fair Pryor (permission approved to repost)

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3 thoughts on “If thinking about Suicide please read first”

  1. THANK YOU! 2012 was the most traumatic and painful of my 41 years, My fathers death, the effective end of my marriage & being abducted and raped within 10 days last January stunned any coping mechanisms I hoped to have available within to heal the overwhelming/ debilitating pain. Unable to care for my 10 year old son, I put him in my mothers care and drifted for almost a year. Over that time I constantly thought about suicide and attempted once… the guilt from not caring from my son and not being allowed contact with him has pushed me to the brink again… I can’t begin to tell you how much this article helps me to see that my need for relief from the pain isn’t another perceived or actual failure of my character. What an amazing viewpoint, Although not a cure-all, I have a better starting point than I thought existed. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

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